Curse of the Cranberry Chutney

It is a fact that every Thanksgiving I make a cranberry chutney. I often spend a lot of time and use a lot of ingredients to make something that will be perfect. Sometimes I add exotic fruit, sometimes booze, sometimes more savory ingredients. It is always the start of my Thanksgiving preparations.

The other thing that is consistent with my chutney is that it is NEVER actually served. Inevitably it ends up in the back of the fridge and isn't even noticed until Friday afternoon when leftovers start coming out of the fridge.

I think it is time to break the curse (not sure which of my family members gave it to me, but something tells me it the Italians). Anyway, I was able to discover a way to break the curse. It is 7 steps. And should be done at transition times during the day. How about now.

1. Fill the tub with water. Temperature should be comfortable for a long soak if the target is a living thing. -- it isn't it is Cranberry Chutney!
   
2. Open and hold up the container of sea salt.
3. Clear your mind and say the following words while concentrating on what they mean to you. Say them slowly, confidently, and meditatively: "In the names of my ancestors, my gods, and myself, I call upon thee, oh creatures of Earth and Water. Come forth, cleanse Cranberry Chutney of all evil and alien magicks, and restore them (me, it) to balance and health. By our wills combined, so mote it be."
4. Pour the salt into the water. Use a lot.
5. Keeping your mind in that calm and meditative state, submerge or wash the target (Chutney) slowly. If you are the target, get in the tub and simply lay back and soak. Relax. Let everything slip away.
   
6. Do this for at least ten minutes. When you are done, drain the water away down the drain and rinse it off the target (Chutney). It is absolutely necessary that all of the saltwater is washed off of the target (Chutney)!
7. When you are done, say the following in the same way you did step 3: "I thank thee, oh creatures of Earth and Water, in the name of myself, my gods, and my ancestors. Be released to your homes, doing no harm on your way, and return to me with glad hearts when next you are summoned. By our wills combined, so mote it be."

The chanting got a bit of a reaction from the family -- but this has got to work!!!